round and round again

we went from sssssslllllloooooowwwww motion to full speed ahead in the matter of minutes it seems. 
it's about balance, right? 

"we are teaching balance.  we are teaching time management.  we are teaching the art of hurry up and wait, and please do it with a smile and don't forget to throw an orange and a banana in your bag just in case this takes longer than you thought and maybe you should grab your crocheting just in case and please be grateful for every loving minute, you will miss it someday."   

oh i'm sorry.  i got a little lost there for a moment.  i was all up in my head again reminding myself of why we do all of these things. we are trying to learn those things, tony and i. that business above is the running dialogue in my head most days.  that 'do it with a smile' one is on perpetual repeat.  i am tempted to tattoo a giant reminder on my forearm so i remember to stay in the moment, but then i remember that a tattoo of an enormous happy face can only end badly.  so instead i chant, "smile at them so they know you are there with them.  don't start planning out the next destination quite yet.  stay right here, right now, in the moment."

moments like aidan's first basketball game.  this had the potential for some serious anxiety of reliving all of my inadequacies of athletics.  but this time i just stayed right there.  i appreciated every pass.  i appreciated his effort, his rebounds, his reluctance to take a shot.  i appreciated that freaking adorable smile from across the court as he pointed to the wonders of blow up air duct technology, oblivious to the game in front of him. 

moments like nadia's third theatrical appearance with the missoula children's theater, this time cast as flamingo #6.  this time i didn't bring an arsenal of camera equipment.  i didn't jump out from behind the bathroom door while she was readying for bed with a barrage of lines to see if she was ready.  ok, maybe i never did that, but nearly.  i didn't even chew my fingers as i sat on the cafeteria floor watching her "aye, aye, aye" with true nadia flare.  this time i was relaxed.  i laughed at the jokes, i smiled at the cuteness of her friends, and i appreciated that she said her lines with a slight brittish accent. 

and for now, the crazy lady talking to myself is working.