Wednesday, January 30, 2013

feeling rather clever

clever because i threaded a needle on the first try.  and then used it to sew!  all before 6:30 in the morning.  feeling pretty smug about that one.

and then i enticed sparkaliciousdingdongkittycat to play with one end of a string and aidan's cat eclipse to play with the other which ended in a kittycat tug of war.  pretty hysterical for a wednesday morning.  hysterical because the cats were unaware that another cat had the string, or hysterical that i found myself so very, very clever?  i'll let you decide.

but i will tell you that it feels way better than feeling guilty.  especially mom guilt.  it is the worst.  it nibbles around the edges of your heart; little stinging wounds.  it burns from the inside out. 
eeeeerrrrrrrrrrchhhh.  (insert the screech of braking tires here as i slam the brakes on the drama)

 but seriously, i feel stupidly and terribly guilty that both of our children broke bones this weekend while we were living the life of luxury and blistered toes in vegas, celebrating melapalooza and sarabration for the first annual bff extravaganza. [insert ridiculous picture of sara and i laughing until we cried over a little origami cup and a furry guy that is apparently on tony's phone]

i felt so bad i promptly burned my middle finger on a steaming tortilla in a sign of solidarity.  i know that it didn't matter to the basketball that grammie was in the stands instead of me.  that basketball was going to fracture aidan's pinkie no matter who was there.  as for the girl who rolled over nadia's hand fracturing her knuckle, freak accident.  somersaults are dangerous work for cheerleaders apparently.  but still, i wasn't there to hug them and i can't help but feel bad about it.  especially when aidan told me nadia was crying in her sleep, but not to worry because he told her it was going to be ok. 

uggh.  knife-straight-through-the-heart.  grammie was there and gave lots of loving.  papa was there and waited on them hand and foot.  karen and brad were there to hug on nadia too.  so really, all was well. thank goodness for the village. 

i will leave you with this picture of a peanut butter chocolate heaven in my ever loving mouth cupcake
and a thought... if i was truly clever, i would have had a twelve pack of these suckers shipped home for the village.  my sincerest thanks will have to do.  

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

it is my birthday. yea.

just kidding.  IT IS MY BIRTHDAY!

i love birthdays, but i get all awkward and fidgetty when i am center of attention.  birthdays kind of shove you out there.  (i wouldn't even let tony take a picture of me this morning).  yuck.  but i still love them.  it would be perfect if on your birthday it was tradition to wear a box on your head.  then nobody would see my goofy grin when they say happy birthday.  i would still get to feel special but i wouldn't have to be all gidgetty and trippy and chappy and duhr-da-duhr, ya know? 

probably not.  because you probably just say thank you and move about your day. 

but here i am, 36.  thirtysixfreakingyearsold. 
you know what happens at 36?  you are just starting to teeter on the edge of that awesomeland of i.d.g.a.s.  you know the one?  i don't give a shiznet?  old ladies get that luxury.  i am starting to, but just barely (uh duh, see above)...

but here i am on the edge. 
when my sub fell through for friday? eh. i.d.g.a.s. 
when i hadn't washed my hair in four days?  slap a kitty cat hat on it and i.d.g.a.s.
when i can't put mascara on after i curl my eyelashes anymore because i am old and my lids are starting to get droopy? who am i kidding?  that one stings a little. 

happy birthday to me.  and thank you to those those two for bringing me into this world.

one year closer to yelling from my nursing home bed about the mashed up string beans and applesauce. 

Monday, January 21, 2013

round and round again

we went from sssssslllllloooooowwwww motion to full speed ahead in the matter of minutes it seems. 
it's about balance, right? 

"we are teaching balance.  we are teaching time management.  we are teaching the art of hurry up and wait, and please do it with a smile and don't forget to throw an orange and a banana in your bag just in case this takes longer than you thought and maybe you should grab your crocheting just in case and please be grateful for every loving minute, you will miss it someday."   

oh i'm sorry.  i got a little lost there for a moment.  i was all up in my head again reminding myself of why we do all of these things. we are trying to learn those things, tony and i. that business above is the running dialogue in my head most days.  that 'do it with a smile' one is on perpetual repeat.  i am tempted to tattoo a giant reminder on my forearm so i remember to stay in the moment, but then i remember that a tattoo of an enormous happy face can only end badly.  so instead i chant, "smile at them so they know you are there with them.  don't start planning out the next destination quite yet.  stay right here, right now, in the moment."

moments like aidan's first basketball game.  this had the potential for some serious anxiety of reliving all of my inadequacies of athletics.  but this time i just stayed right there.  i appreciated every pass.  i appreciated his effort, his rebounds, his reluctance to take a shot.  i appreciated that freaking adorable smile from across the court as he pointed to the wonders of blow up air duct technology, oblivious to the game in front of him. 

moments like nadia's third theatrical appearance with the missoula children's theater, this time cast as flamingo #6.  this time i didn't bring an arsenal of camera equipment.  i didn't jump out from behind the bathroom door while she was readying for bed with a barrage of lines to see if she was ready.  ok, maybe i never did that, but nearly.  i didn't even chew my fingers as i sat on the cafeteria floor watching her "aye, aye, aye" with true nadia flare.  this time i was relaxed.  i laughed at the jokes, i smiled at the cuteness of her friends, and i appreciated that she said her lines with a slight brittish accent. 

and for now, the crazy lady talking to myself is working. 

Monday, January 14, 2013

into the thick of it

remember that backyardigan's song?  that part that goes...
Into the thick of it. Into the thick of it.

But we can’t see where we’re going! Ugh!
The jungle's kind of tricky,
The path is never straight,
And sometimes there's no path at all
Which makes it hard to navigate.

catchy.  and depressing.  and a little overwhelming. 
and a lot like i feel as we get back to our schedule.
tell me you feel it too?  and if you have a kid over the age of 8 you are singing it too.
and then there is the part...
Into the thick of it. Into the thick of it.

We’re going round in circles! Ugh!
These trees look so familiar,
We've been here once before.
You're right, except it wasn't once
It was three times, or four.
Stuck in the thick of it!
Stuck in the thick of it!
Stuck in the thick of it!
We’ve gone around in circles 

 but here we are.  going to basketball, going to cheer, going to scouts, making lunches, making dinner, wiping counters, going the the gym, fitting in social stuff or trying to, brushing our teeth and washing our faces every night (for the first time ever...gross but true) ...
and then doing it all over again.  

and sometimes losing sight of the point.  losing sight of the character-building, and the knowledge-building, and the teamwork-building and loads and loads and loads of patients-building.
sometimes, but not always.  i am not an advocate for running your kids to a billion different activities.

not-at-all!  but i do want to support them in their interests, even if it means we are going around in circles sometimes.  it's part of life and maybe that is the lesson i want my kids to learn.  sometimes you have to do the running, so for goodness sakes you better enjoy the time you have when you aren't running. 

take a page from their book.  they know how to enjoy the down time. 

Monday, January 7, 2013

update for slothmas

let's pretend that this update happened last week.  or even the week before.  after all, slothmas is typically just the two days after christmas.  this year, two days of slothing around, wearing pj's all day while watching downton or making forts, playing games and reading, reading, reading was just not enough.  the four of us hunkered down for most of break enjoying each other.  enjoying snuggles.  enjoying twisted senses of humor.  enjoying sushi made by aidan.  enjoying paintings made by nadia.  enjoying the slothishness of it all.

and that is the very spirit of slothmas.  i will admit that it began from a selfish seed.  tony and i wanted to prevent future holiday tug of war between inlaws.  this is not to downplay the meaning of christmas, but instead is to reduce the pressure that we know our kids will feel down the road to get to every one's dinners.  but it is more than that.  we don't just want them for dinner.  we want to hold them hostage for days and make them talk to us and play with all of their toys.  this is the fourth year of slothmas.  aidan and nadia have totally bought into it.   which is probably why we let it trickle into the last two weeks.  we needed some bachart time around here. 

and now it's back to life, back to reality, back to the hear and now, yeah... (oh you know you're singing it too)...

Thursday, January 3, 2013

update for family christmas x 3

so blogger-  what's shaking?  is there some reason you don't wanna post my pictures?  is it because of my lazy, unmotivated blogless self as of late?   are you trying to stick it to me like i've been sticking it to all my responsibilities by cultivating my relationship with my couch? i'm just wondering, not that i care really, because i'm going to post anyway, so there. 

the first::: friend family christmas
tony's grandma sue is the reason i love tony.  weird.  i know.  but she is the one who loved him for exactly who he was as a tiny little whippersnapper.  she is the one who continues to love him despite, well despite the stuff that falls into the category of 'stuff i don't want to remember' which is the exact opposite of why i blog.  mama drama, you know?  but there grandma sue has been loving tony, loving me, loving aidan and nadia through it all.  she is there, loving us, bringing us together with tony's aunt and uncle and all of his favorite cousins and giving our children the traditions tony grew up with.  like how santa makes a special early trip to hang out with the friend family every year.  her health isn't great, which reminds us to cherish our time together. 

the second::: bachart family christmas
the plan was to celebrate, stay the night and then go out for breakfast.  it was so relaxing and so peaceful at their house that we didn't want to leave for breakfast. they basically have this little suite set up that we took full advantage of, and the conversation kept rolling and they even convinced the city to put in a sweet running path for me and negotiated with mother nature to keep it from raining, so they are lucky they got rid of us at all. 

the third::: maxwell family christmas
let me just say here that my parents rock.  they can play it cool in the hottest situations.  it's all la-la-la-la-la, maybe that is where nadia gets it?  i admire that.  but back to christmas.  it was a quick little affair with lots and lots of food and some fun cousins and cheesecake.  we missed our auntie m and her family for sure, but the rest of it was dandy. 

to summarize, we have good people around us that totally make up for the douchey stuff that i glazed over, but like i said, this is the stuff i want to remember.

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

i feel the need to catch up

i get these little bursts-- very, very little bursts-- that tell me it is time to get things back in order to start this new year off right.

but i haven't tied up all of the loose ends of last year.  and part of me doesn't want to.  i so loved last year.  i have so loved this much needed break.  i have so, like irrationally and wholly so, loved my pajamas, and my books, and my fuzzy gray throw, and my time with my people being ridiculously lazy.  i think i have acclimated to all this laziness even.  i can't fall asleep before ten.  that's huge.  i woke up on time this morning and put on real clothes and immediately got a headache.  i'm pretty sure that is a sign of nook withdrawals.  my body is rejecting the idea of returning to real life. 

but alas real life edges closer.  four full days and the bells and the schedules and the packed lunches will be upon us.  that is four days to cram as much family time in as we can.  and four days to get caught back up. 
so that need to catch up is going to have to wait a little longer.