now in peace

the last time we saw pop, just a week or so ago, he had a look that i couldn't quite place.

the nurses said when we were there that he was the most responsive he had been in four days. gramma kept reaching across the space between their beds, even though it pained her hip so much to move like that.  she stroked his hand with every weak cough he offered.  she joked with the kids and smiled at us and ask about how our life is, showing strength that i wish i knew i possessed.  and then he'd cough and she'd strain again to stroke his hand and talk to him. i keep picturing him with that expression.  i think i know now that it was the look of waiting. 

maybe he was waiting to give us all a chance to say goodbye.

maybe he was waiting to get us all through christmas.

maybe he was waiting to hear one more lou lou song.

i have only known papa russ during these sixteen twilight years, and during that time i have learned that he was a lot of wonderful things. he was a great story teller, a bit of a hoodlum, a numbers man, a man of principles, an idle to children including his great grandchildren (oh how lucky aidan is to be old enough to remember him at his best)...

but i know him best for his love of gramma. i have often said that it is from pop that tony learned how to love his wife. gramma was pop's world for 61 years and while i am sure it wasn't always perfect, it was always complete.

i think he was waiting to make sure she could go it alone, at least until they are together again.