Wednesday, October 26, 2011

how tye dye day of spirit week made me questions everything i am as a mother

check out that tye dye...
cute right?

i made that shirt in the very late evening.  my kids reminded me at 8:00pm (the official bedtime of bachart children everywhere) that the next day was tye dye day.  nadia could wear a shirt of mine, turn dress.  aidan was s.o. l.  (that's so-outta-luck, because this is the g version).  he was mildly disappointed.  no fits, just a little sad face and then off to bed. 

but i could fix that sad expression.  i should have been on top of these things, right?  i wanted to make tye dye shirts when we were camping this summer anyway, so in a round about way it is my fault that they are not already prepared, right?  and tye dye is easy, right?  i knew i could make due with a little bleach and some black dye i was planning to use on a sweater i wanted to love again.  and he would remember this always, right?  and he would be thankful because i stayed up late, right?  and even though tony said that i am being "over the top", i know my son and he will love that i made something special just for him.  and how nice it will be for him to wake up thinking he wouldn't be pepped up for spirit, but then all ninja like there the shirt would be, pep-pep-peppy and complete with spirit fingers supplied by me, right? 

or maybe he would wake up, take one look at the shirt and say, "you could have let me make that.  you know i like to do crafts like that".

what the what what?!?! 
did that really just happen?

no, "thank you".  no, "it looks nice".  did i mention no, "thank you"?

i have been fretting over this all day.  i told him that when he doesn't say thank you that it hurts my feelings and that i don't feel appreciated. 
he said he was sorry. 
he said he was sorry. 
yes, i said that twice because...well, because it is important for me to remember. because otherwise i keep dwelling on the fact that there is a real possibility that, one-i am raising a self centered, entitled, brat, or two-that i am taking all of this way too seriously because i put way too much pressure on the importance of this silly (albeit cute) shirt's potential to help aidan feel how much he is loved.

i have not decided what the answer is yet. 

should i stop trying to turn every sad face upside down?
should i stop trying to do everything so maybe they will appreciate the little things?

or is all about my expectations?  should i not have expected a thank you? 
i didn't think i did it for a thank you, i thought i did it to make him smile.  but maybe i did do it because i want my children to know i would move mountains for them.  and i would too.  but if they do think that, will they never work to scale a mountain on their own? 

see what i mean?
parenting is hard.   

Sunday, October 23, 2011

fall is better with friends

and soup...
  and s'mores...
 and giggles...

and babies!
seventeen offspring age 11 and under!

thanks for a great night everyone
i can't wait to do this again!

Friday, October 21, 2011

time for her

nadia likes to have serious discussions with turtles.  they find her intriguing.

 snakes too.  they think she is fascinating.  

if she had her way, she would have tucked this little lovely in her pocket and brought him home.  he said she is the bearded dragon's equivalent to the cat's meow. 

she finds friends every where she goes.  she picked this one up on the school bus that took us safely to the chimposium field trip and back.  actually, she found a bus load of friends.  as it turns out, 15 year olds think spunky 8 year olds are swag entertainment.  yeah, i said swag.  i picked up hip words like she picks up amigos. 
i felt a smidgen of guilt letting her skip her spelling test and eat a lunch devoid of any nutritional color...
just a smidgen though.
she can eat right tomorrow.  she will still get into the college of choice with or without proving she could spell circle and llamando and we will both remember our girl day & sleepover forever. 

Thursday, October 20, 2011

the things that dreams are made of...

if you could make any dream come true, what would it be? 

i know mine.  i wish my wishes every chance i get.  i am a wisher of stars and loads of hay and stray eyelashes and wrong turned necklace chains.  and don't forget those dandelions that have gone to seed.  i wish the stink out of those. i am fully prepared to send my dreams-come-true out on the epic wishing moment of 11:11 on 11:11:11. 

aidan knows his too.  if you have spent more than 10 minutes with my guy, you probably do too.  he told tony and i with all sincerity that if he could have just one thing as a kid it would be to go to a reptile expo.  so how could we refuse when he found one? 

aidan is a lot of things.  so many he usually keeps my head spinning.  but his most notable quality is his bottomless love of animals.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

all is well

someone said earlier this week, "man, you guys are falling apart at the seams!". i dwelled on that for a bit.  i thought it odd.  and then thought us odd.  or maybe just lucky.  we aren't falling apart.  it is the exact opposite.  we have had a number of crazy trials this week but we are holding it together. 

is it redundant to say that together we are holding it together?  because that is how i want to say it.  that is how i feel it.  together, tony and i.  together, the maxwell family.  together, the siblings.  together, my friends and friends(*tracy*) and friends

all is well. 

my mom is healing and we are all thankful that the surgery on her arteries told us that the medication is working.  we are even more thankful for her positive and proactive outlook during this. 

aidan is loving all of the signatures on his bright green cast.  we are all thankful that the brake in his wrist is minor and his prognosis is great.

and we are all thankful for your kind thoughts, your prayers, your check ins, and your loving care of our children.

Monday, October 10, 2011

the best part about fall?

i am wearing boots for the first time this fall.  it is a little glum out and i am very tired from keeping aidan company while he couldn't sleep last night. 

this makes me feel all snugly and fall-ish.  i am strangely relieved.  i have wanted the warmth of summer to linger on forever this time.  i feel an impending change.  i am not sure what it is but i have not wanted to face it.  i like things the way they are.  but today i am doing what i tell my bairns to do...i am looking for the positives.

so what if today the best positive i could come up with is that i must buy 42 packages of reses pieces deliciousness-in-my-mouth-i-could-eat-you-till-i-barf-and-come-back-for-more because they match the fall decor?

i am drooling.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

without you... part two

dear sweet, hardworking, tony...

thank you again for helping my parents. we tried to be productive without you.
we made it out of the walmarts in just under an hour.  we got those fishnet stockings i was telling you about.  they look great on. . .
the pumpkin you silly.  we bought you some turkey and shaving cream.  

the kids cleaned their room.  like really cleaned this time.  nadia decided she wanted to help me with the rest of the house.  your long talk with them are starting to pay off.  the best part about working with her is that she knows exactly what to do.  look at how she tied the curtains up before she vacuumed and tilted the couches!!  we swept and mopped and i made tomato soup from scratch.  and sausage meatballs.  aidan talked to cousin lane for 52 minutes and 12 seconds while they played wizards 101 together.  sara and trevor are coming over for dinner.  i hope you are home in time.

aidan took the garbage out after i cleaned out the fridge.  he found two sick-nasty black widows on your garage door.  i squirted the bagesus out of them with raid to stun them then squashed them with the nozzle of the hose.  i felt like she-rah saving my children from the beasts like that.

but it wasn't all glory.  i broke a nail when i closed the garbage lid.  so then i cut them all off and painted them a nice little shade of gray.  so it was kinda like i went from she-rah to moody brite, rainbow brite's mod cousin.

 we did like a metric ton of laundry but stuck to our deal.  it is clean and folded and waiting for you to put it in its home. 

after all of their hard work they decided to play dodge the doggie land minds in the backyard. 

and margo chased her ball.

then aidan did a back flip off the swing and landed on his face.  that sucked. 

and now you are home and we are happy again. 

 love you.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011


 they are cute...
and they're mine.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

without you

dear tony...

do you remember that morbid conversation we had on the way home from my parents last night?  that one that we have every year or so that is overflowing with what ifs and what would you do?  those what ifs that i can't bear to type.  this time that talk seeped into me.  while you were gone today helping my parents (thank you by the way) i couldn't get it out of my head.

we were here trying to forget that you were not.

so while you teetered on the edge of the roof we...

did the usual buying of crickets.  we bought sparkly collars for the kittens too and margo her birthday present.  and we remembered to by cream and picked up some bananas too. 

scored some mediocre deals on winter coats for the kids and grumbled about the dismal selection. all's well that ends-in a non-puffy pink for nadia and green and black with complimentary beanie cap for aidan-well.

wore socks with sandals for the better part of the day just because we could.

did some laundry.  the kids cleaned their rooms.  i swept.  we did dishes.  i wiped that blessed banister.  and then we messed it all back up again.

put my hours of pinterest to use and got our craft on.  twice.  i got paint on your saw-horses. 

brought the dog in.  put the kittens out.  put the dog back out.  brought the kittens back in.  brought the dog back in.  scolded the dog for licking the kittens. 

tried to fix the microwave.  yeah, let's talk about that later. 

baked peanut butter cookies.  then we ate them.  we saved you some.  and some slomgolian too. 

and we missed you.  like, crazy missed you.  like, can't imagine life without you, missed you. 

love you...
love me.