i feel like...

like i should post something.  anything.  stuff is happening, and stuffs about to happen, but my words aren't working, you know?

did you hear that?  pssshhtt.  someone reading this is saying, "dude, your words never work." 
ya ya ya.  i know.  but there are these thoughts that i just have to get out.  these pictures that i just have to keep safe.  these experiences that i never want to forget.  and this need to make it all sound pretty and cohesive.

it's not though.  it's not pretty and it's not cohesive.  it is just the jumble of feelings i have.

i feel fortunate that my kids leave little surprises for me.  like towers of duct tape and weird pictures on my phone of ice cream creations. 

i feel satisfied by these little projects that are getting checked off.  like these rainbow chairs that have a new life born in shiny avocado green.

and aidan's platform bed that is spurring a new gray paint job in his room and a little staining action on his dresser...pictures of the actual room to come, but for now you get a picture of me crammed up next to the mdf it took to make the bed.

i feel sheer joy at the warming temperatures and all of the happiness the sunshine brings.  like this.

i feel calm and fulfilled and loved when tony brings me a cup of coffee in the morning.  except this morning when i snapped at him and told him he didn't love me because he didn't put my toast in the toaster.  sorry babe.  i didn't mean it.  i know i mumbled.  but most mornings i feel calm and fulfilled and loved.  and i have taken to curling up on the chair that has made it's way into our bathroom to sit and enjoy the morning stillness.  and this cat. 

  

 and mostly i feel like i am waiting.