i've been contemplating...

many many things.

life didn't stop while i pondered.

it just kept marching on as i worry about the state of egypt. the state of the world. the state of my laundry room. double meanings and science fairs.

baby adoptions were finalized. families were celebrated. new beginnings and new adventures lay ahead.

 

i wonder if i am doing enough, if we are doing enough. or are we doing too much? i wonder about bright yellow paint and this here blog. i wondered about time management and conservation and being pushy to the point of preachy.

aidan's kitty fell ill. she's been quarantined. i have try to prepare for what i am certain the vet will tell us. and then back, selfishly, to my kitty-fied carpet. then back to aidan's big mossy green eyes welling up with tears. i tuck all of that away because it is just too much.

my thoughts rove to far away places and little farmhouses, new languages and new customs.  and then thoughts of could we? should we? then back to here where i have projects teetering on projects and am itching for more.

children read. literacy, hurray!

and ayellivee found her way home to her mother thanks to some cute creatures, including my little dancing monkey. 

and yet i analyze the loveliness that i am sure is individualized herbed cheese souffles.  and brightly colored lamps.  and words of wisdom. and whether or not real grown up women sit on their counters while their husbands cook up some zuppa. 

meetings were held, papers were graded, emails returned.  there was some ho-humm-ness and some furiously busy-ness.  and there was some endless paper shuffling and thoughts of scaling back. 

again. 

all the while there is a whole other conversation happening somewhere in the back corners of my mind. 

one that includes sunshine, and little hikes, and bonfires, and little gardens and just being.

something more. 

or maybe just something different. 

or maybe just more of the same,

just with a little more of my attention. 

and at a slower pace. 

my brain hurts from all of this happiness,

this worry,

this joy, 

this confusion,

this decision-making stuff.