girl of mine

There was this moment where I looked down the line of concert goers to see if she was loving this.  She's a mover and a feeler.  If music strikes her, she can't help it.  She has been known to dance right there in the check out line without a care.  But she is growing older and mindful of people around her and of damn social norms.  You could see it in her.  She wanted to dance and she wanted to sing as familiar songs resonated with her.  But she settled for swaying because she was surrounded by the fuddy duddy middle aged fans who were content to sit and clap politely.

She turned, smiled and I melted. 

During the last few songs we sat next to each other and held hands.  I joked about one performer's constipated expressions and she shook her head but giggled anyway.  She loves me even though I am inappropriate. 

Mindy Gledhill wrapped up the night with Anchor.  Before the encore at least, which was perfect because I needed that double encore to mop up my tears.  That song gets me, because this girl of mine gets me. 

   



 



 And that finger there in the right corner?  That's Karen's.  She gets me too. 

oh there you are!

you sparkly wonder, you! 

you certainly took your time, didn't you? 
but you came in beautifully.  fluffy and just enough for a two hour delay with a side of sunshine. 

 

 

how we do things

I don't really know how we do things.  Things just kinda roll from one day to the next, picking up speed as time tends to do during life.  Sure we plan.  We are planners!  We plan and plan and plan and then real life happens and it all turns out just fine in any way.  But we do things.

Aidan goes on campouts for scouts.  They are amazing.  He gets to see and do things and face challenges that we can't provide in our little home.  But it leaves us a little wobbly when one of our four is not here.  So even when we plan for things and there are activities that fill the day we always end up feeling kind of lost.  

 So we wander. 
And we talk about important life events. 
And sometimes we grumble because it is cold and it is hard.
And sometimes we huff and we puff and that wobbly feeling and that lost feeling get all kerfuffled and lead us to some hard conversations. 

But then we get there. 
This time there was the top of Badger and a better understanding of how we do things together and as individuals.  But we do, we get there.  And we have come to this understanding that we can do this hard stuff and that we are in it together and then the phone rings.
Aidan is home.  We all smile and we rally and we run down that blasted hill to pick him up. 

 

 

slap 37 candles on it and call it a day

Today was a good day to wake up.  Yesterday suuuuuuuuuuuccccccckkkkkkkkked.  
But today is my birthday so I just put on my happy face and felt the love. 
And do I ever.  I had so many kind words and well wishes and surprises from friends and family.  Thank you to all of you...and you know who you are. 

37. 
I think it is going to be a good year. 
a good year, but yet another bad picture. 

walk this way

Badger Mountain

The time has come in our little life when our kids no longer think it is fun to go grocery shopping.  They prefer to spend that hour in togethery-togetherness here at home exchanging a quick set of calisthenics and folding a load of laundry for mindcraft.  So that means that Tony and I spend our hour of togethery-togetherness with a run through Costco and usually a quick stop at Winco.  Sometimes we stretch our hour with a hike up Badger first.  We talk and we plan and we dream and we negotiate about our little life.  We flirt and sometimes we reminisce about how THIS all came to be.  Often we count our lucky stars, except it is lucky tumbleweeds out there, because we have each other and we have our kids.  But sometimes we get in these deep conversations about the world and ethics and religion and politics and policy.  It gets all intense and impassioned and sweaty because we are hiking after all.  Then it hits me.  This is why I first fell for Tony!  It's not like I forgot, really.  And it's not like I don't know why I love him today.  I can easily rattle off the hundreds of reasons why, but it gets fuzzy when I try to remember why I first fell for him.  It was a bazillion years ago, after all, and we were friends for so long before.
 
When we walk this way it is easy to remember.  I get this strain in my chest when I think of it.  Like a fullness that is about to break loose and I realize that it is hope.  Hope that someday my children will find the person that gets all up in their head like this. 

enjoying the littleness

I like this kid of mine.  She is pretty fantastic all the way around. 
She is a little ball of awesome, really. 
Emphasis on the awesome and emphasis on the little. 

I realized just how little while I was trolling the instagram.  You know that thing you do when you have time to kill and no brain power to apply it usefully?  "oh, that's a cute picture.  Oh, that's a funny comment that person said about that cute picture, let's see what they are posting.  Oooooo more funnies.  I like funnies.  Funnies make me smile.  Hmm.  I know that kid.  Oooo and their friend that commented there. and click, click, click, click" lost in the instagram world and quickly realizing that ten year olds are not like ten year olds I remember. 

Except I do remember.  Some of those ten year olds of my ancient past were just like these ten year olds.  Primping and polished and batting their eyelashes and wearing the clothes of 15 year olds.  They didn't have the duckface but they had the alluring eyes down pat.  And of course, I looked at the ten year olds of yesteryear with a bit of curiosity and probably a little envy that I wasn't cool like that.  And worry too.  Worry that maybe I wouldn't ever catch up.

But my Nani is still little.  She is little and perfectly Nani, with her tea parties and her babies and her not caring about her hair or who is watching while she dances and sings and is her silly self. 

 

 

I wonder if she takes her time being ten then eleven will be easier?  Like, if she learns all of the ten year old stuff then she will be stronger for it.  I know she has to grow up, and I honestly I can't wait to watch it all happen, but I am so very happy she is staying little for as long as she can.  

ah january...

Hey, uh, January?  Can I have a moment?

Boring, little 'ol, looooooooonnnnngggggg January.
Normally I rally for you.  Since my beginning is in January and all, I feel like we should be buds.  Childhood friends maybe?  Normally we are.

But this time you are just tedious. And really confusing.  I'm sorry.  I know the truth can be painful, but you are dragging on and all "whoa is me" and "I can't make up my ever loving mind if I want to be winter, or spring or fall" with your wind gusts and gloomy skies and sunshine and near 60 degree temperatures.  You are supposed to be a month of wonderful new beginnings.  New routines.  New get-my-act-togethers, but you are just plain wonky.  I want to love you, I do.  I want to feel your hopeful, clean slate, organized, fresh faced attitude.  I want to be your champion like years past, but frankly, all I feel is a rush to push you out of the way.   Maybe we could mellow out for the second half of the month?  What do you say?

I'm in if you are.

XO,
Mel

ps I've included some pictures of the kids.  They think your crazy ways this year are awesome.