Thursday, February 21, 2013

what we needed...

these days filled with angst and disappointment have been looming on.  i know that feels like a tease but it's not my story to tell.  i hurt all the same.  we all do.  we know what we need.  we need time.  we need patience.  oh lord have mercy we need patience.  we need perspective. 
and we need to cherish the positives. 

dang it, we need humor. 

like when my head is hanging low and i'm feeling super sad and my son walks by sporting the skinny jeans that i've been missing for two weeks that he totally wore all day at school (completely unaware that he was wearing mom jeans). 

that kid. 

Monday, February 18, 2013

one of those kinds of weekends

those kinds where when someone asks what you did all weekend you can't really remember.

probably because you napped away one of the afternoons without even taking your scarf off...

those kinds where the minutes and hours slip by without much notice at all but it feels all warm and squishy just the same.
squishy with love probably because your date night consisted of a 40 minute trip to home depot and a blizzard...

those kinds where you get to make memories even if you don't really understand why they end up being memorable.
except you know that crab macaroni and a face like this is always going to be memory-making...

those kinds where you hadn't realized that you had traditions until you were deep into steel magnolias with your sweet nanikins with annie queued up next. 

apparently hiking badger two sundays in a row qualifies a tradition...

  those perfect do nothing but nothing is kinda everything kinda weekends. 
extra perfect because of the extra day...
thanks presidents.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

listen up valentine's day

dear valentine's day,

i am not a fan.  neither is tony, really. we think you are overly commercial and a tad tacky.  we think that your singing cards are uninspired and your giant stuffed gorrillas are a waste.  don't get us started on your overpriced and artificially scented cut flowers.  we just can't get excited about you. 

at least we used to feel that way.  but now i heart you because my valentine is the cutest, funniest, hot cheeto lovingest 11 year old boy around.  and tony has this spry little thing that knows exactly what she wants (roses and a giant box of chocolates thank you very much) as his valentine.  and their smiles and excitement over the silliest valentines stuff won us over.  so as long as you keep bringing them joy and promise never to break their hearts we can be friends.  ok?


Tuesday, February 12, 2013

oh boy...

my sweet little man.

today was a good day.  recently those have been hard to come by.  those gigantic green eyes have held too much.

there is so much i want to understand about who you are and who you are becoming right now.  there is so much i want you to understand right now.  and it is a delicate balance on this memory keeper.  it is your story to tell, but it is our story too.  we are in this with you.  you know, you see us flailing around like fish out of water.  you see us making mistakes, apologizing, and making another. 

oh now.  right now.  such a terrible/confusing/frustrating/overwhelming time.  i hope you find comfort that we all go through it.  all your friends are too.  annnnnnddddd your sister.  lord help us

but here you are.  i won't go into the greasy details, but just know that we know it's difficult.  we know it hurts to have your emotions run away from you.  we know it sucks to have to please everyone.  we know and we are trying to remember what it's like and most of all we are trying to walk that line between understanding and helping you learn.

but we know, too, that we love you dearly.  we are here for you through it all.  this is our first time through this mess as parents.  believe me, we are in it with you, not against you.  i really have no words of wisdom.  i didn't handle it well then, and probably won't now, but i will try.  i do know that you are stronger than most.  and deeper too.  you will be able to see this for what it is, a bunch of biochemical mumbo jumbo and likely get right on through it.  most days anyway. 
but for those days that it seems to get to you, just know this:

it sucks, but it won't suck forever.  it's a little bit of puberty.  it might be a stage you are going through.  it might be some rebellion.  whatever it is, right now it sucks, sweet boy.  and growing hurts.  but we will get through it together. 

Monday, February 11, 2013

hilly billy hoe down

that's the name you pick for a father daughter ball? 
never mind.  it was all in the name of a good theme, right?  i mean, you could get right down mad cow preparing for a theme like that!  she kept it tame with a couple of braids and a simple outfit. 
simple, but i still got to do-dad her nails and foo-foo her hair.  i honestly didn't know her hair could look so full, because, well- you know

nadia was ecstatic because the only thing she loves more than spending time with her daddy is spending time with her daddy while wearing cowgirl boots. 

and maybe spending time with her bff's, dancing, her dad and her boots. 

and you throw in a trip to fro-yo to get your chocolate on, and this girl is right there in heaven.  

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

what's your type?

who doesn't love a good quiz?
this family does. 
we also love to compare our whatsits and whosits. 
and can you guess whose whatsits are whosits?

the caring intelectual gentleman...

the intellecutally creative caregiver...

the creatively intellectual king...

and the spiritual, intellectual caregiver.
then nadia
then aidan
then me

nadia was ticked that aidan wasn't a caregiver too.  i'm not surprised, he is the king afterall.  aidan was confused that i was spiritual.  he couldn't quite articulate why.  and tony as the gentleman? that got me thinking...

Monday, February 4, 2013

life cycle

that idea of stuff -matter, ideas, thoughts, experiences, organisms, what have you- cycling around and around.

taking my kids to huntsville makes that spin in my head.  nothing makes it more obvious than witnessing birth and death all in the same precious day.  those ewes, they have terrible timing.  i would have loved to see any of the other 20 cute-as-can-be babies being born this season.  i would have loved even more for my babies to see babies being born.  the two babies born tried to come out at the same time.  there are no emergency c-sections on the farm, people.  just sad endings sometimes. 
listening to your dad give advice to your son about dealing with friends and standing up for yourself and knowing when to walk away and some how he manages to throw in a compliment to build you up....and having it sound so familiar.  that also makes cycling go spin-y spin-y all up in your noggin. 

these two.  they react so differently to situations.  that is a story for another day.  but you can see it right there on their faces. 

and another thing that helps you realize that you are somehow part of this whole life cycle thing?  realizing that i just tried to teach a lesson to my sweet babies and then i made the same bleeping mistake i just asked them to correct. 

(note to self: if you're going to get all bent out of shape over shmootz on the kitchen island, don't go leaving your cup sitting there right after your tirade.  you become a very unreliable hypocrite, self.  and one more thing, self. stop referring to yourself as self.  you are more creative than that.  make up a catchy nickname.  put a little effort into it.)