my sweet little man.
today was a good day. recently those have been hard to come by. those gigantic green eyes have held too much.
there is so much i want to understand about who you are and who you are becoming right now. there is so much i want you to understand right now. and it is a delicate balance on this memory keeper. it is your story to tell, but it is our story too. we are in this with you. you know, you see us flailing around like fish out of water. you see us making mistakes, apologizing, and making another.
oh now. right now. such a terrible/confusing/frustrating/overwhelming time. i hope you find comfort that we all go through it. all your friends are too. annnnnnddddd your sister. lord help us.
but here you are. i won't go into the greasy details, but just know that we know it's difficult. we know it hurts to have your emotions run away from you. we know it sucks to have to please everyone. we know and we are trying to remember what it's like and most of all we are trying to walk that line between understanding and helping you learn.
but we know, too, that we love you dearly. we are here for you through it all. this is our first time through this mess as parents. believe me, we are in it with you, not against you. i really have no words of wisdom. i didn't handle it well then, and probably won't now, but i will try. i do know that you are stronger than most. and deeper too. you will be able to see this for what it is, a bunch of biochemical mumbo jumbo and likely get right on through it. most days anyway.
but for those days that it seems to get to you, just know this:
it sucks, but it won't suck forever. it's a little bit of puberty. it might be a stage you are going through. it might be some rebellion. whatever it is, right now it sucks, sweet boy. and growing hurts. but we will get through it together.