a blur

i am not sure where to start, mostly because i am not sure where we have been.  i do know that there were some things that happened.  i really wanted to insert an adjective before things but i am not sure which. good? quick? messy? blushing? real? hazy? i wish i knew.  but it has been such a blur that i really don't.

if i close my eyes and think real hard i can remember things...

things like aidan giggling lately. he read this book about a bad cat that brought giggling tears to his eyes. i also remember he has started to use a little 'tude on me. he is still my biggest fan though so i forgive him as he learns that i am never to be on the receiving end of that.

things like the she-market. now that was a lot of women. and a lot of sun. and some good conversation.  and more than a lot of clothes.

things like margo breaking out of her kennel, stealing away to my closet and eating four pairs of my heels, chewing on my clothes and shaking the bageezus out of a bag of hanger clips.  tony's slippers were tenderly slobbered but there was not a bit of damage.  there was slobber 12 feet high on the wall.  i don't even want to think about what was going through her mind.

things like sending the kids to grammie and papa's. when we went to pick them up they asked when they could go back. they love their grandparents so. 

things like throwing responsibility out and going to the hermiston pool.  just the four of us.  the four of us and jalapeno sunflower seeds. watching the kids in the pool by themselves while we sit back soaking in the rays that squeeze past the overcast haze.  i still can't believe we are at the stage where we can be more than an arms length from them, but if i am honest then i will admit that i miss them needing me so much.

things like staff trainings where i had to speak in front of all the school. i didn't know i could get so nervous but manage to keep my voice from cracking. who knew that would pale in comparison to the nerves i would feel at the all staff rally?  who knew that the sight of my husband and kids at said rally could cause my neck to contract so tight i thought my windpipe was cramping? who knew that people would say such nice things about me as teacher and i would win a district staff achievement award? sara knew. tony knew. and neither spilled the beans.

things like the joy of knowing noni-b will have her besties in class this year. and the joy of her starting hip-hop. and the joy of her having a teacher that has pledged to encourage her reading. and the joy of her loving to be called noni-b by me. she told me so last night as we cuddled while tony read the house a chapter. 

things like reading. i love to sink into a good book. one that sticks to my bones like grandma sue's chicken and noodles. one i can't stop thinking about even after the last page is turned.

things like babies hooting with me. when nico looks at me i feel like i am the only one in his world. so lucky to have him. so lucky trevor and sara share him.

things like filling aidan and nadia's backpacks. new pens because aidan is in 3rd which means that they get to use pens which apparently is a very big deal. new crayons, the 120 count kind because for a girl like nadia you simply need every single color. that is just how you see the world, if you are girl like her.

things like seeing a friend who is struggling to maintain hope without a diagnosis of why her body is betraying her. seeing her look and knowing she feels everyday the 72 year old woman she is when for as long as i have known her she has been ageless.  things like hoping she gets a cure so she can live her retirement.

things like checking to see if you can squeak by without doing the laundry.  we will lay out our clothes for the week tonight instead of just the next day, because when you leave your pocket knife in your pocket, chances are you will slice the rubber seal on the washer. i didn't want to wash clothes anyway. 

things like knowing that the blur continues and being thankful that i have the good fortune to have good company as i swirl and speed through.