without you... part two

dear sweet, hardworking, tony...

thank you again for helping my parents. we tried to be productive without you.

we made it out of the walmarts in just under an hour.  we got those fishnet stockings i was telling you about.  they look great on. . .
the pumpkin you silly.  we bought you some turkey and shaving cream.  

the kids cleaned their room.  like really cleaned this time.  nadia decided she wanted to help me with the rest of the house.  your long talk with them are starting to pay off.  the best part about working with her is that she knows exactly what to do.  look at how she tied the curtains up before she vacuumed and tilted the couches!!  we swept and mopped and i made tomato soup from scratch.  and sausage meatballs.  aidan talked to cousin lane for 52 minutes and 12 seconds while they played wizards 101 together.  sara and trevor are coming over for dinner.  i hope you are home in time.

aidan took the garbage out after i cleaned out the fridge.  he found two sick-nasty black widows on your garage door.  i squirted the bagesus out of them with raid to stun them then squashed them with the nozzle of the hose.  i felt like she-rah saving my children from the beasts like that.

but it wasn't all glory.  i broke a nail when i closed the garbage lid.  so then i cut them all off and painted them a nice little shade of gray.  so it was kinda like i went from she-rah to moody brite, rainbow brite's mod cousin.

 we did like a metric ton of laundry but stuck to our deal.  it is clean and folded and waiting for you to put it in its home. 

after all of their hard work they decided to play dodge the doggie land minds in the backyard. 

and margo chased her ball.

then aidan did a back flip off the swing and landed on his face.  that sucked. 

and now you are home and we are happy again. 

 love you.

because...

 they are cute...

and they're mine.

without you

dear tony...

do you remember that morbid conversation we had on the way home from my parents last night?  that one that we have every year or so that is overflowing with what ifs and what would you do?  those what ifs that i can't bear to type.  this time that talk seeped into me.  while you were gone today helping my parents (thank you by the way) i couldn't get it out of my head.

we were here trying to forget that you were not.

so while you teetered on the edge of the roof we...

did the usual buying of crickets.  we bought sparkly collars for the kittens too and margo her birthday present.  and we remembered to by cream and picked up some bananas too. 

scored some mediocre deals on winter coats for the kids and grumbled about the dismal selection. all's well that ends-in a non-puffy pink for nadia and green and black with complimentary beanie cap for aidan-well.

wore socks with sandals for the better part of the day just because we could.

did some laundry.  the kids cleaned their rooms.  i swept.  we did dishes.  i wiped that blessed banister.  and then we messed it all back up again.

put my hours of pinterest to use and got our craft on.  twice.  i got paint on your saw-horses. 

brought the dog in.  put the kittens out.  put the dog back out.  brought the kittens back in.  brought the dog back in.  scolded the dog for licking the kittens. 

tried to fix the microwave.  yeah, let's talk about that later. 

baked peanut butter cookies.  then we ate them.  we saved you some.  and some slomgolian too. 

and we missed you.  like, crazy missed you.  like, can't imagine life without you, missed you. 

love you...
love me.

from ear to ear i tell you

no it's not all roses and kittens.  it is crazy around here.  between school and homework, meetings and projects, mopping and pinterest, i feel like i am in the spin cycle most days. as i type this, i am asking one child where their clothes are and telling the other to wipe their nose and for the love of all that is holy get the steak out of your hair.  it's like we are a bunch of savages.

but sometimes...

i just get all gooey-proud of them.  you know that feeling when they do something all on their own and you want to do a happy dance right there in the middle of 'the costcos'?  yesterday we were getting too close to late for a birthday party and trying to finish up groceries and get some crunchy-crunchy-crickets for aidan's lizard.  an employee was pushing a train of empty boxes through the checkout maze when they all toppled over.  aidan darted away, helped the guy stack them back up and carry them to the front.  the man thanked him and asked if he was a scout.  aidan smiled, said yes and came back to me.  i grinned like a baboon, from ear to ear, and hugged him hard. 

no, it is far from roses and kittens...when i get these glimpses into the people they are becoming, i'm ok with the crazy we are for right now.   

scissor happy

what do you do when you love love love your gray cashmere/cotton sweater but your dog rips a bitty hole right at your belly button? 

why you just whip out your kid-scissors and slit it right down the middle.  since my sewing skills are incredibly limited, i decided to pretend the rolled edge was supposed to be that way...

when no one was the wiser i repeated the process with a sweater the perfect shade of azure that had a v neck meant to show off goods i don't have...

and when i couldn't find a cardi that i liked one morning, i pulled out this avocado crew neck number that makes everything just a tad too lumpy and hacked away at it...

no tutorial required.  just cut a line from hem to hem as straight as you can.
the edges roll in on themselves and the no-sew, refurbished cardi is born.

my scissors and i are scooping out a maxi dress that is dying to be worn with knee high boots and is begging to have it's ruffle donated to some couch pillows...

putting the labor in labor day

we spent the weekend roofing my parents early 1900 house.  it sounds like a terrible way to spend the weekend. 

it was hot. 

the roof had been accumulating moss, dirt and just-put-yer-gloves-on-and-do-it-who-knows-what-else for over 55 years. 

the kind of dirt that likes to stick to sweaty bodies and cling to your nose-holes. 

insects like to hang out on roofs, don't you know? 

and there is like a ton of hammering involved that leaves your hands all blistered up. 

despite all of that it was a fantastic weekend.

...my mom fed us my weight in butterfingers.  and oreos.  and ice cream. and the very best blt i have ever had.  don't even get me started on the roast and my mom's gravy. 

we talked.

we did dishes.

we talked about plans.

we impersonated spiderman.

my parents impressed me.  not that they hadn't before.  they do, often.  but this time was different.  the sun was shining through the trees and the years of dirt was raining down. they were hot and tired and busting their humps to meet their own deadline.  and through all of that, they would stop and listen as nadia threw her two cents in.  they gave her ideas real consideration.  they paid close attention to how aidan worked and gave him specific jobs so he would feel helpful.   

  

we smiled...like a lot. and they thanked us for our help.  but how do we thank them? 

how exactly to you put to words all of that---intangible understanding, love, attention to detail, meals specifically crafted to our tastes---stuff without it getting all watered down and corny? 

maybe you just give them a poster sized print of this face?

that might do it.

moments like these...

make my life.

aidan and nadia each made me a snack, complete with love note, just like i did for them after the first day of school.  i can't get over how lovely that was.  not only did i feel loved because they thought enough to do this for me, but i felt appreciated.  these silly little things i do get noticed.

i couldn't love them more.

moments like these make me believe we just might be doing something right.